Goat Simulator: Waste of Space Available Now for Xbox One

This post has been republished via RSS; it originally appeared at: Xbox Wire.

A long time agoat, in a galaxy far far away, a colony was in turmoil.

It is a period of sci-fi oversaturation. Terrifying enemies, striking from a hidden base, stalk a brave goat to new horizons. After the epic chase, the human settlers of a nearby colony managed to secure access to the Empire’s ultimate weapon, Pilgor, a fearless space-goat with enough raw headbutt power to destroy an entire planet. Or save an entire colony.

The time is now, young padawan. Without your help the colony falls into chaos. We’re not the high-tech space power we used to be. Just take a walk around and you’ll see derelict, half-completed buildings. Who want to learn astro-physics in a Test Lab without laser firing dog-bots? No one, that’s who. That’s where you come in.

There’s this new thing that young people are doing called “crowd funding”. We understand it involves taking money from lots of different people, so get to headbutting people and stealing their cash. You can also earn extra spacebucks by completing jobs around the base, winning races and generally inspiring the crew through the acts of brilliance that have made you a hero across the cosmos.

The colony has so much potential: we’ll have a Commando Bridge, where you can learn all of the skills needed to be the ultimate captain: diplomacy, accuracy and yelling at tricksy aliens. We’ve got state of the art Test Labs, where you can test the very nature of physics with support from the galaxy’s best scientists and cows. And with your help, we’ll have a formidable fleet of starships, which you’ll need to use to blow any rogue pirates out of our orbit.

There’s lots to do but we think you’ve got what it takes. Save us Pilgor, you’re our only goat.